Monday, April 3, 2017

A Book Sacrifice...

Way back in January, Melody tagged me...I'm possibly not doing tags anymore (time, my friends...time) but this seemed like a good one to end on. {I of course reserve the right to do any tag that overwhelmingly catches my interest in the future...XD}

I apologize ahead of time for any excessive attitude here. I might be a little passionate about books and have some opinions. We all do, you know. *ahem*

#1: An Over-Hyped Book
Situation: You are in a bookstore when the zombies attack.  Over the loudspeakers you hear the military announce that over-hyped books are the zombies' only weakness.  What over-hyped book will you chuck at the zombies?

...I'm going to say 50 Shades of Grey. There are others that were far over-hyped as well {I've lived through Harry Potter & Backlash, Twilight & Backlash, Game of Thrones & Backlash...all while wishing Christians would figure out how to write more blockbusters so it didn't come across as them being jealous of the next big thing, or simply hating on anything that everybody else seemed to like} but the idea of a book that practically everyone agrees is stylistically garbage while being about abuse/written torture-porn {ooh, he changes by the last book! Wow, how romantic...} selling millions of copies and 
getting made into movies? 
no comprendo. 

At least I'll have plenty of ammo to chuck at zombies.

#2: A Sequel
Situation: You are caught in a torrential downpour and you're probably the type who melts when you get wet.  What sequel are you willing to use as an umbrella to protect yourself.

PROTECT ME, PROTECT ME, I AM MADE OF SUGAR. {I have been, in fact, called the sugar-child, as a sibling insult meaning I am the favorite kid. Yes, I am that child in the family. Don't hate us 'cause we're pretty.}

THEREFORE, clearly, I need to use a sequel to not melt. 

Okay, anybody ever read any books by Gene Stratton-Porter? I'll say right here that Her Father's Daughter made me sick, and I will even say that re-reading Freckles as a teen shocked me a little - she bought a little too far into eugenics ideals, and as such her books must be read carefully. 
That mom read Freckles aloud to me and my siblings when I was very little, which started a lifelong {so far} love of wild-flower gardens and woodland glades that resulted in much transplanting and arranging and cute little gardens. {Until I planted some beautifully-flowering burr plant in my favorite place and it ate my garden just as I was getting busy with other life things. I abandoned my garden to the wilderness, but I do plan on more wild gardens later. Just maybe not that wild.}

Imagine my delight when I saw there was a sequel! I ordered it from the library, started reading it, and was immediately and inordinately confused.

To quote the last line of the Freckles Wikipedia entry..."Rather than go to Ireland and live as a lord, he will go to college in the United States and then join McLean in managing the lumber company, so that he can always be near the Limberlost."

Weird, then, that Freckles Comes Home is all about Freckles living with unpleasant people across the ocean. Weirder yet, he and his Angel and every other person who appeared in the first book apparently had a lobotomy in between the two books, because there is nothing in the story that makes sense. Turns out a different Stratton-Porter wrote the book, surprise, surprise.

Also, it might be a pet peeve of mine when kids of authors use their parents' names to write books. {DEAR FUTURE CHILDREN, YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.} It's especially terrible when one's mother wrote a decently sweet book, and one's daughter promptly goes and destroys it.

{This by the way, is exactly what I think happened to The First Four Years. Rose, Rose, Rose Wilder...}

#3: A Classic
Situation: You're in English class and your professor won't stop going on about a classic that "revolutionized literature".  Personally you think the classic is garbage and you decide to express your opinion by hurling the book at his head.  What classic is that?

I have the unfortunate problem of never liking classics. To the point that there are very few "classics" that I've actually read. 

Gone with the Wind? ....I watched part of the movie.
War and Peace?....My mom handed it over to me and I made such a case over why I should not have to read such a book I was allowed to skip it.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn I just...Tom Sawyer was enough for me. I couldn't deal with Huck.
Moby Dick I read the Children's Classic Abbreviated version and was completely turned off.
Wuthering Heights...Couldn't get into it. I tried. They weird, my friend.
The Scarlet Letter I read it! I read it! I remained unimpressed. Uh...that's all I remember.
David Copperfield Also weird. Maybe I should try it again, now that I'm older...but I'm fairly certain that A Tale of Two Cities will remain the only Dickens I actually enjoy.
Uncle Tom's Cabin It's...well, by standards today, its issues are many. I'll respect the influence it had in its own time, but it's hard to like it. Hey, though, at least I read that, too.
Call of the Wild So depressing. Jack London's books are like the grown-up, super miserable sibling of Jim Kjelgaard's books. {Though guess which author killed himself.}

Okay, now that your estimation of me as a literary critic has completely tanked, what classic do I think is garbage? It really depends on by what you are judging them. Style, moral character, level of interest...I'd probably say Gone With the Wind, though I feel like The Scarlet Letter would be the safest thing to chuck at someone's head without having to worry about going to jail for manslaughter. War and Peace might ensure they never taught another English class again...

#4: A Least Favorite Book
Situation: You're hanging out at a bookstore (where else would you be?) when global warming somehow manages to turn the whole world into a frozen wasteland.  Naturally, your only hope of survival is to burn a book.  Which book would you not regret tossing into the fire?

And it can't be one I've mentioned otherwhere here? Well, least favorite book that I've read...this is hard, because I tend to banish least favorites from my mind pretty quickly. Who's got brain space for that? And it's hard to pick one...though the book that springs instantly to mind as a book that absolutely infuriated me is My Choice, God's Grace. I don't see anywhere that says it has to be a fictional book?
And let's just say...I've read books by atheists about abortion that were far more compassionate, far more nuanced, and far more understanding than this one. Few things are so awful as those who claim God's name while rejecting His Spirit and laws. (And common sense while at it.)

#5: A Series
Situation: There's a flooded stream you have to cross on your quest and you can't get your feet wet.  Which series (oh yeah, btw, you brought your whole bookshelf and also probably local library with you) will you use as stepping stones?

Nora Roberts. Which series? Any of her series. Any books by her. {That totally counts as a series.} I have never actually read a book by Nora Roberts. However, I say this based on a library sale I once helped organize, in which there were endless numbers of books by Nora Roberts to be priced and stacked. Any author so prolific, so devoured, and so discarded has perfect books for stepping stones. And that's without quoting this Amazon reviewer {who, by the way, liked her books}: "Her books generally do contain explicit love making and her characters, especially the men, may have occasional recourse to language somewhat stronger than the Bobbsey twins."

Yup. I'll make it through the stream without melting my feet or having a moment of regret for the books I'm destroying.

If you want to join this tag, comment below so I can see what books you'd sacrifice. XD

3 thoughts shared:

Anonymous said...

You are genius. This is a fantastic list. My favorite is the Least Favorite Book one. You rock!

Erika said...

Finally someone who shares my opinions on overhyped books, sequels, and classics. Especially sequels. Most especially sequels by someone who wasn't the original author and has no talent for making themselves sound like the original author! Little House books were my absolute favorite as a child. Except The First Four Years. Because Laura sounded like an entirely different person and this stranger "Manly" was in it. Oh he was Almanzo? I would never have known... anyway...I blame that book for making me think people changed entirely after they got married.
The only sequel I've ever read by a different author that actually captured the spirit of the original were the two sequels to Heidi.

Katherine Sophia said...

XD Thank you, Elphie!

lol, Erika...EXACTLY. That's so sad that The First Four Years traumatized you...but it was /so/ bad. And yes! I remember actually enjoying at least one sequel to Heidi, which is more than can be said for most sequels I read as a child. XD


Related Posts with Thumbnails