Thursday, August 13, 2015


Hiding from me, hiding from You,
Doing the things I should not do.
Running and racing, hurriedly pacing
Keeping myself continuously spacing.
Insatiable for things I don't even need...
Starving for that on which I must feed.
Afraid of the time so quick running out,
I don't even know what this summer's about.
Tomorrow I will, but tomorrow I don't,
Is it because I can't or I won't?
Later, then later, then later again,
So I will change, just wait until then.

There is something about looking back and seeing the things I should have learned long ago being gently shown me again and again...ouch.
I wrote this poem probably last summer. (School somehow tends to make it so that I catch my breath and my brain during that short window of that I'm on rotations, I don't know when that time will be. But I know I need it.)
Wretchedly, the change that should have happened then (deadlines, focus, concentration, stillness...) were not effectively dealt with and did come around to slam me this spring.

But isn't it comforting to know that we really can be confident in Philippians 1:6, and know that the good work begun in us will continue to be performed until the One doing it returns? That He will perfect that which concerneth me, as Psalm 138:8 says? I am His and despite my slowness and stupidity He's not giving up on perfecting me. 

Which is not to say looking back doesn't make me wish I would have learned certain lessons last summer, or the summer before. Life is so much less painful when we actually pay attention and grow when we're supposed to... :) 

If there's something you should be learning right now...make this be your later. Change what needs to be changed and do whatever you have to in order to learn what you must. Don't let unintentionality become disobedience.

later never comes, i know i've said before,
but later has arrived, it's knocking at the door.
destiny is rubbish, but this moment i have now.
it's time to decide to whom i will bow.

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