Friday, December 20, 2013

Wherever you are...Be all there. 

One of the most accomplished men I have ever known died a few weeks ago. He was brilliant, and his life resulted in some incredible things. His legacy is inspiring. At the funeral, his children talked about how, despite two extremely demanding jobs (both of which he excelled at), when he was home with them, he was with them. His colleagues said the same thing, and stories of his amazing focus and what he was able to do because of it got me thinking.

I'm studying, but part of my brain is wondering about the kind of doctor I'll be. Part is wondering if I'll ever make it that far, just as part is weighing the pros and cons of family medicine, psychiatry, radiology, and dermatology. Another part is picking out pieces of random information that I need to use in a story someday, and the part of my brain next to that is working on entirely unrelated bits of story. Part of my brain is thinking about [fun] books I'm reading/want to read (it's sad when you have someone who used to read a book a day down to something like a few chapters a week, if that), and part is trying to integrate the knowledge from Foundations with the stuff I'm learning now. Part of my brain is thinking about that cool quote I saw on Pinterest, and part of my brain is demanding a Tumblr break. Part of my brain is muttering in frustration over the fact that I'm not volunteering anywhere at the moment, and I desperately miss it, and another part of my brain is trying to work out a way to fit volunteering, learning a new language, and start a martial art in the spring, while taking Neuro, the course that ties or maybe even beats Foundations as the Hardest Class in Medical School. {The rational part of my brain is snorting with laughter over that one.} Part of my brain is picking out Christmas presents and activities, and missing my family terribly. Part is planning out activities to do with my learning group at school and trying to figure out how best to get together with a friend to study. Part of my brain is demanding I get up and go exercise, even as I catch myself nodding off, because apparently some important part of my brain decided it was time to sleep.

My brain is like fireworks, tiny pinpricks of exploding color, somehow coming together and forming a sort of picture. Everything I've ever done, everything I want to do, what I'm doing right now...all swirling through my head.

wherever you are, be all there

I'm fractal pieces of of life. 

I'm everywhere, I'm everything...and I'm nowhere and I'm nothing. This is me when I'm studying, this is me when I'm praying. I'm reading notes as I talk on the phone, missing parts of the conversation, forgetting half of what I'm trying to study. I finish my devotions scarcely more ready for the day than I began them. My sister knows I'm only half-listening and so do I...just as my memory reminds me I'm only half-studying.


Focus your minds on the things above, not on things here on earth.

Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. 

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. 

Teach me thy way, O Lord; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name. 

My heart is in love with a thousand things...and I think it sometimes forgets that root of all I love is the Lover of my soul. The reason I love those things is because they remind me of Him, point me to Him, and help me to more greatly glorify Him. To unite these pieces of myself into a single heart whose sole purpose is to bring glory to the Name of my God by allowing my Lord to use's like training a group of rebels to fight as one. Until I can do so, my head's too busy with its own problems to take on the problems of the world.   

But all those pieces...all the things in my mind that demand space even when they do not need to...calling me different directions, distracting my do I make them all fight for the same thing? it is one of those tasks called impossible, except that I can do all things through him who strengthens me. I know it can be done, just as well as I know I can't do it myself.

 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Lord my God, unite my heart to fear Thy name.

2 thoughts shared:

Vicki said...

Oh Katherine Sophia, I completely and utterly understand what you mean! My brain is exactly the same way, with a million things going on at once; only it's not the way my mom's works, where she's actually planning and accomplishing a million things at once - with me, it's more like sitting in front of a wall of televisions with each playing a different movie, and my mental eyes flicking from screen to screen to screen without being able to get much out of any of them. It's really very frustrating - I get to the end of every day feeling like I actually accomplished very little, because I was distracted by something else in the middle of basically everything I did.

I don't really have a remedy, but I was very touched by the testimony you posted of the great man whom you knew, and very inspired by your desire to learn to focus. To be intentional, is another way I've heard it - to be purposefully and carefully doing things, instead of just happening to tumble through your tasks and your day, like I do. If you discover more insights on this, I would love to hear them ...

I hope everything's going well for you!! Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day; I'm sorry I didn't answer you right away. Please sometime let us know how all of your classes are going!!

~ Vicki

Katherine Sophia said...

It is a very nice thing to be 'gotten'...and that is a perfect description of my brain's lack of focus...I barely get going on one thing before another thing has caught my attention...and yes, it is the opposite of being intentional. :P
I am still working through how I intend to go about changing my schedule and increasing my focus...if I figure more out I will definitely say more. :)
And I am hoping to get out one more post at least before school starts again! :D


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