Sunday, January 10, 2016

wise men seek Him still...


The magi came, asking of the King - for we have seen His star in the east, and are come to worship Him. They saw evidence for Him...and they sought Him, to worship Him. Not to become wiser, not for glory, not for political power...to worship Him. They only wanted Him. 
Stars, high priests, kings, and stars again brought them on their way...they found the one they looked for, and they worshiped Him. God showed Himself to them, both in the flesh before them as a Child and in their dreams with a warning for the future. 
Sometimes you must travel to other countries to see Him...sometimes He appears in your very dreams. In either instance, the magi wanted only to worship Him, and they immediately obeyed His direction. 
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

To know Him...obey Him.



{This, by the way, is my favorite Bible-in-a-year plan. :)}

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Snazz 16

Once again time to take part in Alyssa's Snazzy Snippets...and this time the prompts are:

A snippet from page 16
or
A snippet of 16 words or fewer
or
A snippet about something NEW
e.g. a new year, new school, introducing a new person/character/setting, a new revelation



I'm going with:

A snippet of 16 words or fewer

{this one is from my Haunted story.}
“Help me, dragon-slayer,” he whispered, and the nagging retreated to the back of her mind.




A snippet about something NEW
{from Rebel Queen...a new character and a new revelation...}
[------] stretched out his hand, as if he would slow the gathering storm. “I have fought and bled with you. You have known who I am, if not what.”
The man crossed the room in two steps and there was no calming the storm within his eyes. “You are an accursed angel,” he said, and his voice caught in blinding pain. “And you are the monster that killed my wife.” His fist smashed into [------]’s face before Echo realized his intent.
[------]’s hands went back, stilling the chimeras behind him even as he gave to the blow. When he lifted his head, his eyes were bright with what Echo thought could only be tears.
“Andrei, I did not know,” he said softly, and Echo shuddered at the broken sorrow in his voice.
Andrei hit him again. “You killed her and you did not know,” he gasped, and grabbed hold of [------]’s shirt, knuckles whitening. 


Monday, January 4, 2016

Of Note in the New Year...

Sometimes math blows your mind. 
If you work hard for just 0.02 of a minute longer every day {1.2 seconds} you'll have worked hard for almost an entire extra day by the end of the year.
Compare that to if you slack off for 0.02 of a minute every day. Look how much farther ahead you'll be just by working 0.04 of a minute {2.4 seconds} longer every day. 

Don't ever say I'll just do it for a second. Is that second truly worth it?

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Yada`


It has been a while since I memorized a chapter of the Bible. The one I was last working on just was not clicking, no matter how long I worked on it, and I wanted a chapter that really caught my attention. Last month Jeremiah 33 did so. Particularly verse 3.


Call [cry out - call aloud - roar - proclaim - pronounce - preach - call - summon - invite - implore - call together - appoint - praise - celebrate - call by name - name - call out - recite - be called - be summoned - be named - read aloud - dictate - muster an army] unto Me, and I will answer thee, and show [bring forward - be in front - bring to light - explain an enigma or a dream - announce - confess - profess openly - celebrate with praise - make known - betray - be announced - be shown - be told] thee great and mighty things [clip off - gather grapes - be isolated/inaccessible - cut off - fenced - fortify - gather - might things - restrain - strong - wall - withhold] which thou knowest [perceive - understand - acquire knowledge - know - discern - be known - cause to know - intimacy - be familiar - aware of - inform - announce - reveal oneself - appoint - order] not. 


Call unto Me. Invite Me. Be summoned unto Me. Be named unto Me. Be mine. I will answer you, and show/explain/make known/bring forward to you great and mighty/inaccessible/withheld things which you do not perceive, are not familiar with, do not understand, do not know in that most intimate of ways as you should. 


Call upon Him as He calls upon us...'you would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you'...and He will answer and reveal the the things we can't see or know without Him. Seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness...So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off...He is a rewarder of them that diligently see Him...I am thy exceeding great reward...If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him...For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding...If thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.

That last verse and Proverbs 8 makes fairly clear that Wisdom is a name for One of the Trinity.
Call/be called/seek Him to know Him...and He will show you Himself. 

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing...For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Why is the greatest of these charity? Because God Himself is Love. He is the God of hope, He gives faith and is the One we have faith in. But He is Love.  

Like Corinthians 13, this chapter says I could devote myself to so many other things. But if my desire is anything other than to know God...what is the point? I could be diligent, successful, and even wise...but if my end goal is not to be closer to Him and furthering His kingdom...it will all be vanity.

Yada', in Jeremiah 33. to know. The whole purpose and end of man, to know God and make Him known. All the rest falls to the side. To know the One who is Love...to know the One who is Life Eternal...Really, these past few years, I have been focusing on aspects of knowing Him. But I want this year simply to know Him. To know the people He has put in my life. To know HIs will for me. To make Him known. 

In 2015 each time I got to know people better -- every time I opened up, every time I shared my heart with someone, every time I tried to know someone better or let them know me, it was an incredible thing. Whether my mom or sister or friends or people I worked with...it's beautiful to have that knowing, that sharing, that understanding with another person. Even in ways you wouldn't expect -- I was in a lecture on "problem patients" and as I listened, all I could think was...but it could be simple. The solution is to know your patients. Know who they are and where they are coming from and these issues will become so much smaller.


This year...I want to know God more. I want to be seeking Him first to know Him. 





2016     yada'
יָדַע

Friday, January 1, 2016

~2015~



To summarize 2015 {and perhaps med school in general...} in 3 gifs...





and for the long version...this is a random tag I picked up somewhere in 2013, and wanted to use again this year, with a few modifications. :) 

What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

-Moved out to live on my very own to a 1-room cabin on a lake.
-Assisted with deliveries and surgeries and eventually delivered mostly on my own the darlingest baby you ever did see. {well, except for the ones I'm related to. there's something about a baby you helped deliver, though... :)}
-Began doing hands-on-actual-patient-care: interviews, exams, ordering labs, creating patient-care plans, giving steroid shots in joints, removing skin lesions, etc. The level of responsibility is increasing, and will continue to increase at hopefully exponential levels for the next 6 months...{and obviously after that, though it will be in a different way than this particular rotation.}
-Took an 8 hour exam
-Found a lovely church and was semi-adopted by grandmothers galore :D


Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make one this year?
See here what I do instead of make resolutions. [201520142013,
 2011] 2016's will be up in the near future. :) 

As far as how 2015's words went...really, I think I need to keep them as a goal. Like love. It's not exactly a thing that can be mastered in a year. {And I got far, far of course with them quite a few times.} It's a way of life that requires instant catching of oneself and refocusing as one goes about one's day...and I chose those words because I am so very, very bad at that. Unfortunately, if I'm perfectly honest with myself...I don't think I can say I'm better at it than I was last year. This year...did not entirely go as I expected...and there is much room for improvement. To put it mildly.





What countries/states did you visit?

For maybe the first time in a very long time...nowhere. I did perhaps the least amount of traveling I've ever done. {And yet managed to live out of a suitcase an awful lot of the time despite that. Something about living an hour away from family...I've spent an abnormal amount of time sleeping on couches. XD}




Did you move anywhere?
Once again, yes, I did...from that 'house closer to school where my marvelous family was able to come and my siblings could also attend school' {this one} to my own little cabin on a lake 5 
minutes from the hospital/clinic where I spend half my days. {this one} XD



What was the best month?

Hmmm...I might go with end of July/beginning of August just because I enjoyed my OB rotation and it was such a relief to be done with my Step 1 exam. :) {And I loved rotations as compared to the classroom portion of med school...it was a very good transition.}


Did you suffer illness or injury? 

nothing more major than a few weeks of anxiety...


Where did most of your money go?
I have literally no income. Sooooo...yeah, I'd really like to know the answer to that question myself...XD



What was the best thing you bought?

with my nonexistent money. XD um...the best thing I convinced someone else to buy was books for my birthday. Particularly The Sunbird, by Elizabeth Wein - it reminded me The Queen's Thief series, which is pretty much my favorite series ever. :) {Apparently I'm a fan of books about genius children who manage to run the show behind the scenes...XD}


What did you get really, really, really excited about? 

...more and more things...I was just squealing over scenery pictures from a place called Castle Danger {because who wouldn't want to live there??} and being laughed at for my excitement. XD But come on, life is so much more enjoyable that way. I quietly flip out over many things. XD 

One thing I got really excited about was the 3rd year program I was accepted into as part of med school. I really wanted to take part in it, and the very wanting of it and realizing how close I was to not being able to get in kind of renewed my passion for med school as a whole. And now that I'm in, I adore the program and my rural site and my preceptor and...yes. All of it.


What song/album will always remind you of 2015?

the second song on the left at this link...mostly because I think of it in relation to studying through spring/summer. 

and perhaps this one...which music I most recently fell head over heels in love with...though my favorite songs don't seem to on this particular 'full' album... ;) 



Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? 

my mom. I don't talk to many other people on the phone for notable periods of time. :D


What was the best book you read?

Rereads...the Bible.
I thought last year was bad when December 31 I found that if I wanted to complete my annual goal of reading through the Bible, I'd have to read through most of Deuteronomy. 
I find my ability to pace through the Bible and spend time in prayer seems to correlate with how out-of-control my life is...which should tell you some things when I say I reached today with most of John, Acts, Haggai, Zechariah, Malachi, Ecclesiastes, and Ezekiel to read. 

Something like 7 hours worth of reading. {Though okay, it wouldn't have taken me quite that long, because I'm a decently fast reader.}

Maybe it seems pointless to 'rush through it' at the end of the year, when that has never been my desire in having this goal...but I have been learning lately to not give up. To push for at thing until I get it. To refuse to shrug and move on, which unfortunately has become something of a habit with me. 
With the discovery of Spritzlet...I read it. And comprehended it. And it only took me around 2 hours.

As far as new books...The Sunbird, as mentioned...also The Scorpio Races, by Maggie Steifvater, which was all things gorgeousness. Those were my favorites. 



Did you fall in love in 2015? 

So much and so many times... :D Not with any particular new persons, though. XD





What was your favorite TV show/movie?

Bah. Last year there was a definite answer to this. {Liar Game, which if you haven't yet watched you should.}
This year...I guess I kind of want to say The Three Musketeers. I actually watched it last year, but I'm rewatching it with my little sister {skipping a scene now and then}, and it is just super cool to see how another culture can so perfectly fit the pieces of the story into their own historical timeline. :D It's dramatic and swashbuckling, as all versions of The Three Musketeers should be...and let me tell you, I am dying for a Korean version of The Count of Monte Christo. Their drama style would be perfect for getting the actual nuances of such a book across...and there is a drama coming out next year based on TCoMC. How much based I'll have to see...but of course my expectations are so high they are sure to be disappointed. {Then again...The Three Musketeers certainly did not disappoint. XD}




Who was the best new person you met? 

ohhhh, so many new people...that is a hard question. Trying to decide between my rural preceptor {who is awesome and amazing and hilarious to work with and has taught me tons already}, my favorite female doctor that I've met so far {also at my rural site and whose style of medicine I really like}, or the nurse who invited me to her church the first week in my new town, which has been a beautiful blessed thing...it's all been really good.




Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. happier or sadder?
 Happier
2. thinner or fatter? Thinner {or at least I think I was before Christmas happened...XD}
3. richer or poorer? can one be poorer than no income...yes, they can be, I was just trying to ignore negative numbers. XD I'm definitely poorer than last year...though I got a a $20,000 grant as part of the program I'm in which was magnificently helpful. God is incredibly good to me.









What do you wish you’d done more of?
really...I think I have to say exactly the same as last year. 
concentrating.
hard-core solid studying {as opposed to half-hearted partial studying}.
being present in the moment with people in my life.
praying.


What do you wish you’d done less of?
Less giving in to myself. It's amazing how quickly you can form a habit of going the easy route...of spending time lazily...of letting precious moments slip away...


Did anyone close to you give birth?
...like into-my-arms-close...at least 7 people...plus multiple c-sections... :D


Did anyone close to you die?

Several people close to people I'm close to died, but no one close to me. This is still a very depressing question. {Three patients died in whose care I was involved...it was hard and I cried. Not near family, however, since that was not my place.}


What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory?
7/10/15, probably...the day, more than the date {which I had to go look up, LOL}. It was a crazy blur and I kind of hope the next 8-hour exam I take erases it. There's only so many such tests I can store in my brain. XD

Really, though, I'm really not a specific-date kind of person. I remember particular moments...
     the first time I saw a patient code...they way that patient looked when they first came in...the realization in their fiancee's eyes as what was happening finally sunk it...
     the patient who came in with respiratory distress and whose heart stopped after we sent him by ambulance to a larger hospital...

     the patient and patient's family that I spent a week with before the patient died, and the things the family asked me to remember when I became a doctor...
     the first baby I actually delivered and how everything finally clicked into place and I knew what I was supposed to do...
     the first time my exam skills actually discovered something wrong with a patient and I found a reason for the symptoms they were experiencing
     the incredible Christmas my Grandma put on this year, with every detail beautiful and the whole family present...
     

What was your biggest failure?
Lack of trust.
Not resting on the promises of One who truly loved me more than life and loves me so still, and allowing fear and doubt to cut into my relationship with Him. 



What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The things I am most happy about doing...are asking a dearest friend a question I was afraid to ask...{always, always, always be willing to search out truth...}, and allowing myself to open up and bring another friend deeper into my life. I don't know where I would be right now emotionally if I hadn't done those two things. The Aaron and Hur to my Moses, the sun and rain to my plant, practically the oxygen and carbon dioxide to my lungs. {You need both to live.} I love my friends, and there is no replacing any of them. They're mine. Forever. XD



What kept you sane? 
...again, like last year...
writing. 

dramas.
awesome friends and the best mother I've seen around.
mostly God. :)

Valuable life lesson you learned in 2014. 
no. no that is not the message.

If you don't like who you are...change it.

There is so much about self-love and learning to accept yourself for who you are floating about...and there is a place to consider This is who God made me and this is good. I am short. I look about half my age most days. I am an introvert. I like the most random of music. I love learning new things. I'm fascinated by other cultures and time periods. I adore reading and watching Korean dramas. I can see things from anyone's point of view and understand anyone if I try hard enough. etc. etc. etc. I am happy about all of that. This is me. Like or don't like, that's up to you...I, for one, like it. I like me.
wrong kind of change

But there is also the me that is afraid of new challenges...that cannot remember anything to save her life...who has horrendously terrible study habits...who is afraid to challenge those about her in case they won't like her as much...who has a wretched nervous laugh in the most ridiculous of situations...who can't manage a time-line or get through to actually succeed at her goals...and I don't have to stay that person. I hate those things about myself. And I can change them through Christ which strengtheneth me. 



For years I wished I had a different personality, that I reacted to things differently, thought
there we go. though I still wouldn't say it this way.
differently. And I realized this year that when I learned to love who God made me, with the personality and attitude and preferences He gave me...I forgot to separate out the problems. I don't have to be disorganized. I don't have to be afraid. {That's actually kind of a big no-no, isn't it? Fear Not. Finally makes sense why it was said so many times in the Bible...} I do not want or need to fundamentally alter who I am. But I can change. 

That, my friends, is a beautiful thing. 


What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
Courage.

The courage to show others who I truly am and what exactly I believe...to push forward when I see an opportunity...to not let laziness or fear hold me back from all the good God has for me...
and of course paradoxically...in the fear of the Lord is strong confidence.
Which leads to:
if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.
{The significance of which you will see when I put up my word for 2016. :)}


Five things I wanted to remember from 2014 and did I remember them: 1) Fear is failure unless it is overcome. This I did not remember and came very, very, very close to failing.
2) The view from my window. :) This I did remember and love.
3) Being close to someone is worth the risk them hurting you. (You don't escape that hurt by shutting people out.) Yes, I am still working on it...but I'm getting much better at it.
4) Everyone is beautiful and anyone can be loved. Again, this covers a lot...but I'm better at remembering it now than I was. :D
5) Reading is vital to my existence and should not be so neglected. :) I did somewhat better on this 
front. More toward the beginning of 2015, but it definitely helped. :D


Five things I want to remember from 2015:

1) That life lesson mentioned above...if you don't like who you are - change it.
2) The associated life lesson on how to do that: in order to change, change.
3) That it is always best to go for clear communication...no matter how hard it might seem at the time...just...TELL PEOPLE WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND ASK THE SAME FROM THEM.
4) Focus. 
5) Just go for it. {Hesitation and contemplation trip me up far more than they should. Shout out the answer, ask the question, do the thing. Go for it.}


Five things I wanted to do in 2015:
1) Ace my Step 1 Board exam. ....I passed it. Which at the point I took it...was enough.
2) Do the RPAP program for my third year and learn to throw myself headlong into whatever I need to in order to become the doctor I want to be. YES. and yes, I am learning that last bit still...better than I was, hard as that is for some of my preceptors to believe. I am improving. :) 
3) Learn to concentrate and focus in the way that I need to do well in my studies, instead of simply just okay enough. Hmm...not yet. 
4) Do something with my writing. (Specific, I know...but either publish a poem or find an agent for one of my novels or do some serious marketing of Ransomed...or something. XD) ....I began editing CTTT. I'm not quite finished with it yet...but I have the 2 sequels plotted out, and as soon as I finish with it {I'm going once through on paper and then I'll transfer every change to the computer and edit it again as I'm doing so} I'll begin sending it out. That is as far as I got on this one, unfortunately.
5) Pray more. I don't know how much more yet, but definitely more. Off and On. Overall, perhaps, I did...I have learned to pray more in the moment as necessity demands while working on other things...and I do think this correlates directly with #3 - my discipline for my spiritual life obviously has to do with my discipline for my school life. {And my social life and writing life and...the whole thing...for that matter.}



Five things I want to do in 2016:
1) Ace my Step 2 Board exam. I've got a 2nd chance here to nail this thing to a wall. 
2) Apply to Meds-Peds residency programs {and interview and get accepted by one?? that might be a 2017 goal though. XD}
3) Actually learn to excel, rather than survive. 
4) Do MORE with my writing. Specifically, 1) publish a short story. 2) publish a poem. 3) submit CTTT to either a publisher or an agent. All preferably before my application for residency is due. :)
5) Pray more. Specifically, as close to an hour a day as is possible.




now.....on to 2016!

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