Sunday, July 26, 2015

This week I...


nearly died:
from about 3.5 seconds of thinking I'd dropped my notepad somewhere at the hospital. I've been really good the past two weeks. But I knew Friday I'd scribbled some story notes, and I couldn't quite remember what they were. 
But I found it and managed to recover from my heart attack. XD

read:
more of the book I mentioned last time. you'll be hearing more about it this next week.

listened to:

the requiem in D while I did homework, despite the fact that the song always makes me sleepy. (weird, I know)


prayed that:
I would figure out how to deal with some of the challenges of working in reproductive health...
my board exam results would be good...[4-6 more weeks of waiting...]
wisdomcreates and the upcoming long exam :) 


wrote:
a very little teeny bit about my Imperfecta story...it was rather enjoyable. 


His Honor looked at him then, full icy fury in the man’s blue eyes freezing through him. There were different kinds of love, he thought, staring back at His Honor as the man spoke, slowly and frigidly as the sky. “Jace. If he cries, remove him from this place.”
“Yes, your Honor,” Jace quietly replied, and the boy turned his eyes back to the deepening hole. There were different kinds of hate also, and though he hated them all, what he felt for all the rest of them combined was nothing like what he felt for His Honor.

But he did not cry.


His Honor was offended by the sight of him. He understood that, in all its simplicity, and accepted it, like the child he was.




Everything loved dies, he thought desolately. He supposed that meant he would not die. It was strange, he thought, to wish that he could.


[I suppose for the sake of non-authors I should not have used the word enjoyable...XD]

the thing that stood out to me most in school was:
How very little in medicine is black and white. 
I am pro-life; if you've read my blog much you may know that. But sometimes...it's not so simple. I am excited to be able to come at these issues from a position of knowledge (vs ignoring the grey areas...not acknowledging that sometimes families do have extremely difficult decisions to make...or making up statements about how women don't get pregnant when they're raped...etc**), but the gaining of that knowledge is going to be more difficult and more painful than I had anticipated. 
What does "the health of the mother" mean...

for example: do you undergo a cesarean section for an infant with a lethal anomaly, continuing a difficult pregnancy, compromising your own health, and increasing the risk to any future pregnancies you might have (risking the life of a possible future healthy child for one who will die no matter what you do...)
Do you do anything to shorten a life already so short in hopes for a life that may never be? 

What if it shortens your life? 
Or makes it significantly more difficult for you to parent your other children, who do not have lethal anomalies? (understanding of course, that any of them may die at any moment...but the likelihood that they'll need you to care for them is clearly far greater than the likelihood that your unborn baby will gain any benefit from dying a month later versus a month earlier.)

Sometimes it seems simple to know what I would do in a certain situation...but when it comes to counseling patients as to the least harmful thing for them and their families? ay-yi-yi....

I'm pretty sure the fact that killing your baby is a legal right in this country just makes the issue ridiculous. How do you find common ground to discuss and decide on the best way to support life in a particular situation when life itself is worth so very little? When to have something wrong with you is considered a fate worse than death?
I mean...we all have a lethal condition called life. But if someone was struggling through a pregnancy already...and then realized that the best case scenario was going through the rest of the pregnancy and then having surgery in order to watch their baby die....or they could have the baby now without dealing with diabetes, hypertension, and surgery and watch him/her die...do you see what I'm saying?

There is of course also the part where we think about how sometimes ultrasounds are wrong, and doctors are notoriously terrible at predicting how long someone will live. (Though usually the error is on the side of longer, not shorter. Most doctors want their patients to live.)

Basically there is a lot to think about. (I say as I go off to work on my question set on contraception...a lot to think about...)

[note that if anybody wants to discuss any ethical issues with me, PLEASE DO. I'd love to hear your perspective. iron sharpening iron and all that, you know.]

learned from the internet:
Several of you commented that you wished you'd known how my summer was going/prayed for me more...and it made me realize [again] how little good shutting myself off does. My natural inclination is always to pull back, draw away, figure stuff out on my own, and then, once I'm through, know a little more what's going on, have myself back together, then share with people what happened. This time it was extremely helpful to share with a few people - realizing there were more people who cared who I could have shared with meant a lot to me. 
Whether I'll be more able to share next time life is weird for me...XD who knows. I'm working on it. :) 

learned from life: 
....when you go to bed super exhausted, check what time you have to be at the hospital before you fall asleep. don't wake up at 6am and lay there for an hour hitting snooze going I really hope it was 8am...I hope it was 8am...clearly too tired to wake up and think about what it means if it's not 8am. 

then when you finally get up at 6:45am, far too late if you actually had to be there at 7am, and confirm that yes, it was 8am, don't have a panic attack when your phone rings at 7am thinking you had it wrong. (...also turn off the alarm on your phone when you don't plan on using it. unless you like panic attacks, I guess.)

also don't be excited for sleeping in on Saturday. internal alarm clocks apparently work better than any other kind. *sigh* XD

[tl;dr basically sleep becomes rather important rather quickly on a rotation. XD]

a thing that stood out to me in the Bible:
How quickly distraction creeps up on one. Especially good distraction. Doing things one has to do. Like getting to the hospital by a certain time. Writing blog posts about important things I want to share. Talking with people I need to talk to.
But it says seek ye first the Kingdom of God. 
Not, give it a glance when you get a spare moment

But seek ([a]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c]taken together will be given you besides.

now and forever, my words for this year. once again I need to lift my eyes to that forever that is His kingdom and stop letting the now dominate my life.

new words:
dessicate
pneumoperitoneum
moliminal
IAI
FM

LOF
PIH



this isn't actually from this week...but I came across it a folder from last summer or something and remembered I liked it. XD


**note that I don't find aborting children of rape a grey area, but I do think there is massive need for sensitivity and gentleness there.

2 thoughts shared:

wisdomcreates said...

Love your story snippet.
Thank you for praying!!!
The life question (medically indicated abortions) is not one that I've completely figured out yet.
Awesome post, altogether. :)

Katherine Sophia said...

Thank you, I'm glad you liked the snippet! :D And I'm happy to pray anytime. :)
It's fun to blog a bit again. XD

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