Tuesday, September 30, 2014

From my window...

and my headphones...

and my reading...

"You asked for a loving God: you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoked, the "lord of terrible aspect", is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist's love for his work and despotic as a man's love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes."
The Problem of Pain - C. S. Lewis

Monday, September 29, 2014

From my window...

my headphones...

and what I'm reading when I every so often get a chance...

"Am I the right guy? I don’t know, but I’m the guy being asked, and the last thing I want to do is miss an opportunity or make God mad, so I just keep saying yes. Maybe God is doing some inexplicable things in your life. Each of us gets to decide every time whether to lean in or step back—to say yes, ignore it, or tell God why He has the wrong person.
There’s this beautiful story in the Bible about a guy named Joseph that a friend of mine named Don tells all the time. The story of Joseph has more turns in it than a mountain road in Colorado. It’s an emotional roller coaster, but it ends up with Joseph being second-in-command in Egypt. And twice at the end of the book Joseph says that the reason God put him where He did was to save many lives. And if you think about it, the reason God chose Moses was to save many lives. And the same goes for Jonah and Peter, all the apostles, and Jesus. And us, too, for that matter. We were all meant to save many lives. God is always trying to save lives, and it seems like He usually uses the least likely people to do it.
So the next time God asks you to do something that is completely inexplicable, something you’re sure is a prank because it requires a decision or courage that’s way over your pay grade, something that might even save lives, say yes. "
Love Does - Bob Goff

Monday, September 22, 2014

Some days...

Y'know, sometimes my thoughts on med school is pretty much:

and other days it's a whole lot more like:

and then there's the days where it's like...

I have a complicated relationship with medical school, k?

this past week has been somewhat like:

though the fact that I'm posting anything at all on this blog means that it did not reach this point:
(which it has in the past. I can sleep pretty much anywhere at this point. practicing for residency.)

But really. The past month has been a bit like one unpleasant surprise after another, despite which I've been enjoying medical school so much more than you would believe. XD

Still. Today's test...we studied until we all (at least everybody I talked to) felt good for this giant midterm, and then we started taking the test and...

When lunchtime came around and we had a test review...the poor director fielding our complaints.

in other news, this is how med school makes me feel sometimes.



there's actually a bunch of stuff I want to write posts about and there's some actual {serious-interesting-worth reading-pick you own adjective} posts I've got in my head, but they haven't reached my fingers yet. I hope at some point though. 

Right now, though...
'night everybody.
I've got 100-something slides to memorize and a few chapters to read before I fall asleep, so I'd better get on that. ;) 

Monday, September 8, 2014

Beautiful People

Villains, this time...always interesting to see the other side...I picked one of my chimeras this time - someone who was created to steal, kill, and destroy, to enforce his lord's wishes on an entire country, and who fulfills the expectations of his creator very well indeed.

1. What is their motive?
He really has no motive in the beginning - he does as he is ordered because that is the reason he was created. As next in command, however, he chafes against following his leader, against always receiving the orders of Amon second-hand, against the adoration that the other three offer so easily to their leader. When he sees a chance to rise higher in the ranks, he takes it, both because he knows it is his head on the line if he doesn't and because when else will he get such a chance to advance himself and take the place of his leader?
At least that is what he says to himself.

2. What do they want, and what are they prepared to do to get it?
Right now he wants Amon's favor. He wants to be the best, Amon's chosen, the one to whose commands the rest of Itai will bow. Also, he wants not to die by torture. (I believe he counts on the former to ensure the latter.)
and Anything. Anything would be the answer to that last question.

3. How do they deal with conflict?
....his last argument ended with him killing the opposing party and dumping their body where their friends would find it.
So I guess I'd say - not very well.

4. Describe their current place of residence.
On the top floor of one of one of Itai's towers...one room, with black walls, a large bed, a bathroom, and mostly his own personal weapons. His leader's room is just down the hall and up one step; there are 3 other rooms on the same level as his own for the other chimeras. They have a lounge/sitting area at the other end of the hall, and the entire floor is theirs. His room is not the most pleasant place in the world, and before the split came he spent as little time there as possible. Now that he's alone...going where he would have gone with the others is not particularly pleasant either, so he spends far more time there than he ever has before.

5. If they were writing this story, how would it end?
oh, boy...what is his happy ending? all in all, I think it would be a re-set. He'd love for it all to go back to the way it was before...only with himself as leader of the Five. I think he knows that is impossible - but at some level he cannot help but wish it were not. 

6. What habits, speech patterns, etc. are unique to them?
Of the chimeras, he wears his hair longest, keeps most to himself, is most easily angered, and most loyal (to Amon) or least loyal (to the rest of the Five), depending on how you look at it.
Basically, ever since there was more than two chimeras, he's been prickly and difficult to get along with.
Which is why I like the chapters I'm working on right now so much. XD

7. How do they show love? What do they like to do with/for people they love?
At this point in his life he is extremely alone - the truth is that there is literally no one in his life that he loves right now. He has distanced himself from those he once was close to, until he reaches the point where he is completely willing to torture the people who still love him. Perhaps by the end there will be a glimpse of what he can do if he allows himself to still care...given how twisted he is by then, it's not exactly what most people would identify as love.

8. Do they have any pets?
Are you kidding?
I've said before, so many things in my story could be fixed if everybody only had their own puppy...

9. Where would they go to relax/think?
The Evito. Though for all the chimeras, it is more a place they go to relax/not think. To actually think he goes either to his room or to the top of one of Itai's towers.

10. What is their weapon of choice? (FYI: words, eyes/looks, and fists count as weapons too.)
He can use anything...(Amon doesn't have space for useless fighters), but his favorite are his twin blades. However, as the story goes on, Dante slowly comes to realize that his best weapon is his enemy's greatest weakness - and that happens to be simply who Dante is.
weapons, not character.

out of curiosity, which do you have more of? villains you redeem or villains you don't?

if you want to join in answer these questions...click here.

But Ja-Il’s eyes were narrowed and he was looking straight through Rui as if desperately wishing to read his mind. Slowly his left hand came up, and he motioned towards Echo and the black-haired angel, though he did not look at either.
“Release her, Dante.”
“Ja-Il!” Dante cried in rebellion, his face darkening with anger, and Ja-Il turned on him with icy fury. 
“Let. Her. Go.”
Dante’s lips twisted with wordless rage, and he flung Echo’s wrists violently away from him, sending her stumbling towards Rui and Ellian. He took one step after her and kicked her legs out from under her for good measure.

He spun on his heel, and again Hae-Jin closed his eyes, sensing that awful gaze burning into each of the others in turn. 
“Do not tell me you did not know of this one’s return. Your abilities are far greater than that. Why were you not watching?” 
Dante was cursing under his breath, too softly for any but the other chimeras to hear, and Petra’s silence was of the terrified sort that could not be broken with any hope of a sensible answer. It was Kang-Dae who answered, his laughing voice as still as death. “My lord, we do not deserve your pardon."

And then the great doors opened, and Dante pulled his dagger free with a wrench, leaving [_____] gasping, every nerve of his body trembling with pain. 
“Still he has not spoken?” Amon’s voice was soft beside him, and Dante dropped suddenly down to his knees.
“My lord forgive me, he has not.”

Friday, September 5, 2014

you know you're a med-student when...

you put heart into Grooveshark and just...

Give Your Heart a Break .....better not...

Heart Attack .....same artist. She's right. That's what happens when you give your heart a break.

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart    No thanks. Every bit of that thing is important.

Heart-Shaped Box. Anatomy. C'mon. It's a tangled-up tube specifically designed to pump blood. A box shaped like that would no longer be a box. 

Me and My Broken Heart.  *wince* that's horrible. you probably shouldn't be singing right now.

Kickstart My Heart. Only if you're in ventricular fibrillation or pulseless ventricular tachycardia. None of this flat-line shocking.

Break Your Heart Right Back. Wow. Vicious, much?

My Heart Will Go On. I hope so. When it's not, you won't be singing.

Heart of Gold. Bet that isn't pumping too well.

Tattooed Heart.  O.o let me know how that's working for you. (needles? hearts? much bad.)

Follow Your Heart. ....it really should not be going anywhere...

Bulletproof Heart. Let me guess. Is it gold? 

You'll Be In My Heart. That...is unfortunate...I'd really be much happier not having to go in there and mess around. Bypass surgery isn't fun.

Elastic Heart. ack. Marfan syndrome...this isn't good either.

If I Had a Heart. I hate to break it to you...but you do have one. 

Heart Skipped a Beat. You're probably okay. Let me know if happens a lot, though, or if seems like it's fluttering for a long time.

Heart in a Cage. It's called your ribs. They protect your heart. It's a good thing.

Heart It Races. How fast? How long? Were you exercising? We should probably do a stress test and maybe an EKG...

Born With a Broken Heart. I'm so sorry...

Heart is a Drum. You could look at it that way. A drum that pumps 2,000 gallons of blood every day.

My Heart Is the Worst Kind of Weapon. That...would be correct. I wouldn't advise attempting to use it as such.

Heart Upon My Sleeve. That is an anatomical anomaly. 

Groove is in the Heart. Correct. Full name is the coronary groove, auriculoventricular groove, atrioventricular groove, AV groove, or coronary sulcus.

Heart in My Hand. I hope you're a heart surgeon. In which case that is awesome. In all other circumstances...very bad.

When Did Your Heart Go Missing? That is definitely something one should be aware of. Except if your heart went missing you wouldn't know about it. Because you'd be dead.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? It takes 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and probably something along the lines of an internal medicine residency and a cardiothoracic surgery fellowship to learn the answer to that.

Hungry Heart. .....disturbing....it's not your brain. and if it's missing oxygen or nutrients, that's very bad news.

Junk of the Heart. High cholesterol? 

Heart's All Gone. That would be the result of Junk of the Heart

Heart is Hard to Find. Not particularly...under the 5th rib and all that y'know. 

Rhythm of My Heart. It's a beautiful and incredible thing.

When Your Heart Stops Beating. you better hope somebody around you knows CPR. Though in all truthfullness that will most likely not get it started again, sad to say.

Harden My Heart.  *wince again* atherosclerosis is not good. 

Heart of Steel. Oh, THAT'S the bulletproof heart. I was gonna say, I don't think gold is the best metal for that.

Fire in my Heart. O.o also bad.

Heart Full of Wine. Technically red wine does have heart benefits. In moderation. Which I'm not sure a heart-full would be.

Bleeding Heart. They shouldn't do that. Bloody, yes. Not bleeding.

I Think I Need a New Heart. Elastic, Steel, Gold, Tattooed, full of Wine and Junk, bleeding, broken, burning, and on your sleeve. I agree. 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

what I'm learning this week

it's pretty awesome stuff when the lecturer at an extraordinarily liberal state school has to stop at the end of the lecture on cardiac embryology and say 

fearfully and wonderfully made. it's all a miracle. 


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