Thursday, February 13, 2014

On singleness...


Do you ever want to get married and have a family someday? 

Do you have a boyfriend? 

Are you...courting? 

Sooooo...tell me about your love life. 

It does not matter where you are, family gatherings, church, out and about...people question aloneness. Some ask because they care, some because they are simply curious. Some ask sweetly, others with a hint of judgement beneath their words. (Because surely, young lady, if you are entering your mid twenties and you are not yet married...you are doing something wrong. Perhaps even something sinful.) 

My instantaneous reaction is...but I've never thought of myself as alone. Even beyond the amazing family and friends I have been blessed with, there is One who has promised to never leave me nor forsake me...and yet He was the one who said "It is not good for man to be alone. While walking with that man in the Garden of Eden. So...I guess I am alone. Still, I am no man...(sorry, had to say that XD) and regardless of my matrimonial status, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. If another's story thread crosses mine tomorrow or never...it doesn't really matter.  I'm not the one putting this story together. 

But the questions, and some I asked myself a few years ago, got me thinking recently about single girls, who are the ones the rest of this post is for.

Darling, are you a stay-at-home-daughter? Please, for the love of all you hold dear, go before God and ask Him if that is truly where He wants you. Do not waste precious years. Do not lose the time when you could have been following God into Africa like Mary Slessor, China like Gladys Alyward, India like Amy Carmichael (who began ministry work as a teenager, before leaving for Japan  in her twenties), or ministering somewhere in the US
But...once you have settled it...If He wants you in your parents' home...be all there. Discover why, of all the places in this entire world, God wants you still with your family right now. Do not be jealous of those who God has called away from their homes. 
In the immature moments after I turned 18, as I stumbled along the path God had called me on, I looked longingly at those of my friends still at home. Still safe. With time to play with their younger siblings and to read and to write and do all the things I loved...meanwhile my friends complained over relatives judging them, over people they met looking down on them for not choosing the 'normal' path to adulthood. As if going to college would have made their life simpler, been easier. Don't let yourself think that way.

Darling, if you are leaving home soon, have left home, are living on your own or with someone other than your family, working or going to college...please, please for the love of all you hold dear, go before God and ask Him if that is where He wants you to be. Why has He called you away from your family? What is the reason you have been called to where you are? Do not waste your life running after anything but Him. Does He want you here? Then why?
Please, please, be careful. It is one thing to live as you ought in the company of family and friends...it is another to do so when you are apart from them. For myself, I watched as family friends pulled away and people I greatly respected tsked at what I was doing, disapproving of what I and my parents were sure God was directing me to do. I was still myself...but I was being myself in an environment entirely not conducive to myself. 
And if you are anything like me...do not be jealous of those who have been called to stay home. If I've learned anything over the past few years...it's not any easier to stay at home. Next time you are sitting in class or up studying at 2am, wishing you could be home...think of those would find what you are learning fascinating, but who are cleaning up after their fifth sibling who is sick with the flu. They are having entirely different struggles than you, and may be doing something far more difficult than you are dreaming of doing at the moment. There is a reason for them; there is a reason for you. 



What is that reason? What are you spending your money, your time, your life on Wherever you have been led...whatever you have been called to do...be there. Be content - more than that, be living abundantly where you are. No one else can live your life...you, of all the daughters of the King of Kings, have been given this mission. 

Does that mission involve someone else? Does it involve someone else right now? If you are doing what He wants and are exactly where He would have you...does it matter?

I know, sometimes it seems like it must...but I think if you know where and to what you have been called...it matters a whole lot less. 

So enjoy tomorrow. :) Don't survive your 'aloneness'...live each moment of this time in your life to its full abundance. Take those questions and use the opportunity to tell people what else is going on in your life, and make it so interesting that next time they see you they'll be asking what else God is doing in your life, instead of if you've found your other half.  




**my favorite answer to that question is still Elizabeth Blackwell's, who wrote home that she had not found more than a sixth, which entirely would not do. XD

2 thoughts shared:

Jack said...

Being single and in your twenties and being thought of as doing something wrong or sinful really spoke to me. I didn't know that happened to other girls. I've gotten so many looks when people find out my age and that I've never even had a boy friend. There is disbelief and scorn and like I am rebelling against God because He hasn't blessed me with a fellow yet. It is hard sometimes, to understand singleness so late in life when so many other girls are happily married in their early twenties, but God has plans for all of us, and not all of them are the same.

Katherine Sophia said...

Amen, Jack. It seems so easy for people to get this idea of what life is "supposed" to look like, and if it doesn't people must be out of God's will. So wrong. He is always the same, but all of us have a different story. It's not our job, or our friends', or our church's, to decide what our life is supposed to look like...Look at the difference between Rebekah's life and Ruth's and Esther's and Mary's - there is barely any comparison, except that it seems extremely obvious that each of them was following God in the time and place that He called them. And yet could their stories be more different?

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