Friday, August 30, 2013

Reflections on Weeks One - Two



~ One of my professors sounds just like Jimmy Stewart. If I close my eyes, I think this is a movie. also known as...med student shock - am I actually here? Jimmy Stewart as my professor isn't helping the feel of realism though. 


~ The cyber police are here to talk to the med students. I am so not getting a facebook account now...and wow, I had no idea the US accounted for only 13% of the internet usage in the world. 

~ I took my first quiz - with a score of 4/17. I have a feeling I won't be writing any stories during lecture this year...good thing that was a practice quiz. :) 

~ The foundation of medical ethics: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Of course. 

~ School is 5 songs away from my house. Somehow my house is 8 songs away from school. 90 degree weather and a black shirt was not a wise choice. Also, it's embarrassing to have elderly gentlemen flying by me on their bikes while I'm walking my bike up the hill. 

~ It's even more embarrassing to be biking home for a week...and to have a different older gentleman fly by you on that same hill (while I'm on my bike, this time - I am improving) and then meet you again coming back from where you're headed, having already been there and back before you. Having them compliment you on making it up the hill just icing on the cake of being woefully out of shape. LOL

~ On a happier note, 2nd year med students are fun. And falling to one's knees and belting out I Dreamed a Dream with the lyrics perfectly changed to match failing a test is certainly one way to give a good picture of life in med school to us poor first years. XD (It was hee-larious. And he was a pretty good singer. XD)

~ Also...having a mother email me on the first day of school and tell me how much she enjoyed Ransomed and how much her daughter was going to like it and asking if I had any other books was really awesome.

~ And my friends are lovely. I think I will keep them forever. One particularly awesome girl sent me this and seriously made my week gorgeous:




another marvelous one gave me a chocolate cupcake and hugs - with much words of encouragement, which all together is pretty much the way to make me love you. XD



~ awesome. I just scribbled down in my scribbles of notes (which also contained a few snippets of my time travel story...oh, dear, it might be harder to break the writing habit than I thought... :P) something that I had forgotten: I once thought it would be perfectly amazing to be a bush-pilot-doctor in Alaska. I don't even know how it all fit together, but after everything this first week, I was thinking again how very much I would love that..and then I read my academic advisor's comments on a professionalism essay I wrote. (Which, by the way, had nothing to do with Alaska or where I wanted to spend my life, just...professionalism.) And he said: Just from your first paragraph, I think you would make a great Alaska frontier doc. And I went O.o


~ Wow. First day of serious school is serious. This is a lot of information.

~ A lot a lot. My classmates are fun, though. The skit one group put on for our giant presentation was hilarious. Too bad I don't study well in groups...these people would be fun to study with. XD

~ 300 more slides today...ay-yi-yi...it's fascinating information - I wish I had time to slow down and really enjoy learning it! 

~ Shock of my life. One of my professors (who also happens to be one of the men who interviewed me) just walked by me in the hallway and stopped dead in his tracks. "I was going to come find you," he said. I'm like.....? eep. And then he says
"I read your book." 
And I just about had a heart attack right there. Seriously.
And then he told me that his wife read it also, and he loved it. And he told me I was talented and I would help more people with my faith than in the field of medicine, since medicine is only in the here and now. And I should not let medical school change who I am. And he thanked me for writing Ransomed. 
And I sat there in disbelief and almost cried. 

~ And God was so incredible to give me that, because Thursday is not fun. The Friday test is freaking me out and there is so much material to understand and know. O.o 

~ *cough* And I gave up and rode the bus back home because I wanted more study time...the bus driver's comment? "You know, real bikers ride their bikes up this hill..."

~ Aaaaaand...Friday...well, if I could sing, I would be singing I Dreamed a Dream.  :P So I guess I'll be studying tomorrow and all Labor Day...bummer. But eh, I knew this poster would come in handy...


~ So see you next week, unless I get an opportunity on Sunday to stop by your blogs or do some snippets posts etc.! :) I hope you're having a lovely end of summer!

Sunday, August 25, 2013

And my brain went sploosh...

I actually wrote this last semester...but I thought it fitting to post it as school gets underway...



So. I was on Pinterest the other day, and saw this:

And I went. Ah. That's what I need. 
I mean...I was on Pinterest. (What was a quote like that doing on that site, anyway? It's like...an oxymoron in action. :P)

I don't actually spend that much time on Pinterest...but there's also blogs to read, tumblrs to stalk, twitter accounts to follow...besides novels to write, stories to read to my little sister, all and sundry things to discuss with my brother...one distraction leads to another, and every week it's like:


And I've gotten nothing done. And I spend the rest of the week staying up until 3-4am every night and every day I'm like:


So much for my 2013 goals

It's a vicious cycle, because when it seems like I've got time to do everything I need to do plus something fun, I always want to start with doing something I like. And...


And bam, I haven't gotten done anything that I needed to do and I'm out of time. :P


So, I went and looked up the word disciplineDepending on which version you're using, it's only found in the Bible one time, in Job 36:10.
He openeth also their ear to discipline
Which, when I look up the Hebrew words, turned out to mean chastisement, punishment, correction, discipline, instruction, self-control, a bond, a checking, restraint, correction resulting in education. Either I check myself...restrain myself...control myself...take instruction from the One who 'openeth my ear'...or I'm heading for some chastisement and punishment. And I am a firm believer in natural consequences - because of how the world is set up, God does not have to create a special punishment for me not being disciplined. It...kinda happens all on its own. :P All He has to do is let me get the results of my not working hard.  Ouch.

I know I don't like the results of not being disciplined...so why don't I just be disciplined? :P Part of the problem might be that it sounds rather unpleasant...after all, the word also means punishment and chastisement - even if you're punishing yourself, it's not exactly fun

But actually...


It is...


It is...


And it's not this horrible thing just waiting to destroy all your fun - in fact, even if you want to be completely self-centered, it is simply: 


God does not tell us to do things that will not benefit us, something I wish everyone would realize more often. If He opens our ears to discipline...it's because it's good for us.

So I started praying that He would open my ears to discipline, make me aware of how I should be spending my time and what I needed to be doing when I needed to do it...and then I looked up more verses. 

Proverbs 5:23
He shall die without instruction
The word instruction there is the same word as used in Job - discipline. The same word is used again in Proverbs 10:17:

He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth.
Keepeth is a word used for watching over something with protective care or besieging a city - which reminded me of another Proverb, 25:28.

I don't particularly want my life to look like this...
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

Spirit-ruling sounds like discipline to me. Interestingly enough, it was this verse where it really hit me. This isn't just oh, something kinda good to think about...maybe you want to get a little more disciplined...might be nice...

Discipline is part of the way of life. Without it you die. 

This is life and death. 

And for once I don't think that's me being hyper-dramatic, as I am sometimes wont to do. That's straight-up what it says. You die without discipline. If you are in the way of life, you keep discipline. It's something God Himself has to draw our attention to, make us aware of - it's important.

I have a bit of a thing for stories about people defying destiny, so this quote caught my attention earlier:


It made me think...everything else - I want to be more organized, I want to be more attentive, I want to be more joyful, I want to be more loving...etc... - requires discipline to happen. If my goal in life is seeking my God and His kingdom, and my purpose is to glorify Him by so doing...yay, good for me, that's what I want. Wanting that will get me nowhere. I'm not going to get into the whole we-can-do-nothing-to-save-or-change-ourselves thing right now, because we can't...and yet the Bible is very clear on personal responsibility. There comes a point where we choose to open up our Bibles, choose to spend time praying, choose to get up and put into practice the things God has brought to our attention. 

This makes discipline the base of our growing in godliness, for our abiding in Him. I think my favorite out of the quotes I saw doing a random google search was this:
  

Do I want to do something "fun" now (and believe me, I know the importance of study breaks and all that - I don't think I'll ever err on the side of too little fun :P) or do I want to do what God has called me to do, finishing what I am supposed to do with all my might as unto the Lord, working for Him on whatever task He has given me more


Monday, August 19, 2013

Life and Thoughts of a Med Student: Day One (yay for gifs)



If you're reading this today, I'm in school. 

As I write this (obviously not while I'm in school :), I'm slightly bemused. 

Because the past two weeks have been lovely weeks, full of visiting and traveling and hours of driving (yay my new Korean CD!) and seeing all the awesome people I'm related to and some awesome people I'm not related to...but they've been strange as well.

what it felt like everyone was telling me...


See you in a couple years when you come up for air...if I'm not dead by then...

Well, enjoy such-and-such - it's probably the last chance you'll get to do it... 

Have a good life!



the face I made in response

Everything I've done has been tinged with a sense of impending doom, as if my life is about to irreversibly change, and I'm afraid I have not thanked the people who pushed that mindset at me. 
Because I don't want it all to change. I like my life.

And yet I've been told medical school is like drinking out of a fire hose, it's like falling in love, it's like...nothing else in the world. (Which makes slightly more sense than the other two, because I can't see how falling in love is like drinking out of a fire hose. I really kinda hope it's not...) Meanwhile I'm going it's just school! How can it possibly be any of these things??? But I've talked to enough people to get the idea that it's a bit different from any school I've ever done.

Which...somehow at the same time...I'm also pretty excited for. I'm ready for something new, I'm ready to learn all the things that have interested me for ages, I think I'm even ready to start studying again. ;) 



I'm not quite ready for this. Good thing it's entirely advised
against by med schools. XD

But I refuse to believe I cannot do everything I love, and I'm terrible at making choices. Still, horseback riding and flying both took a back seat during college. Even more things I love will have to take a back seat during med school...how much I don't know. 




But all this to say I honestly have no idea of how med school will affect my blogging. Some of you have been following this blog for years, and I've changed quite a lot since 2008! But perhaps not so much as I will change in the next few years, living away from home for the first time and doing this strange thing called medical school...It's going to be fun though, and I'm quite looking forward to it. :) 


just managing to keep the shades of panic away... ;)
no, really, it's all good. XD




on a side note...I think I want to start using twitter more.



Yes, I do. 
It's short, it's easy to use, and seems to fit the amount of time I will have as a med student. (Not that I don't have much already bouncing through my head in the way of future blog posts. XD)

So anyway...on twitter I'm still Katherine Sophia...(or Giiwanaadizi - it means she is crazy in Ojibwe, and I thought it fitting. XD) So just in case it does get crazy, and if you begin to wonder if I'm still alive...check on my sidebar and see if I'm tweeting happily away. (If I'm not...well, think of those little birds miners used to take into mines with them. What did it mean when they stopped tweeting? *cough* okay, just kidding. I really don't plan on dying any time soon. :) 
But, really...I hope to be around here fairly often. :D Maybe only because I've got some scheduled posts, but... ;) 

see you around! :)

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Oh, it's here already.



I thought this fit...and then I realized, no, my summer is a puddle. Quite entirely melted and gone.

Somehow I thought it would be a lot longer...which resulted in this being my reaction to the arrival of moving day:

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM????
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

Perhaps because it slid itself in after an crazy weekend that included driving some 16 hours and sleeping on a bed harder than most floors and coming back to try to help my mom organize a few last things at our house and get everything set up for school...
But however it managed to sneak up on me, for sure at one point I looked at my mom and went:


And she went:


and I went...


and then I went




But actually I like being weird, and tomorrow the real insanity begins.  :D

I've already got my bucket list written. 

See?

okay,

because of this:


I don't want to just survive this - this is 4 years of my life and I want to live them abundantly. 


Awake. 
Aware.
Abiding.
and Abundant life.


:D

Monday, August 5, 2013

Dramas, Detours, and Doubts


Something happened this week. 

I went to visit a friend, one I've known for 11 years. We went shopping together, ate a foreign meal together (including kimchi, for the first time - it was good, surprisingly for how it looks, not surprisingly considering how often people eat it in Korea), and managed the impossible feat of watching 20 hours of Korean drama in about 6. (Well, we skipped most of the middle - but it had the effect of making us feel as if we had just watched the entire drama City Hunter.)

We then watched a bit of another of our favorite dramas and then talked stories and life until 5am. The next morning, after a few hours of sleep and chocolate cake for breakfast (it's kind of a tradition when we get together ;) it was time to go home. But we stood in the entryway, praying together and very much not wanting to say goodbye. 

Because something was ending. Both of us felt it, and both of us knew next time we got together, something would have changed. 

I am planning on starting medical school…she is planning on going overseas for a year. We're adults. Despite spending several hours pausing the drama every few minutes to squeal over our favorite parts and not going to bed until morning and eating chocolate cake for breakfast…we are not children any more. And we will be making big decisions in the coming months and the course of our lives will change based on those decisions. 


But at last we said goodbye and I pulled out my directions to trace them backwards - I unfortunately get lost with alarming frequency - and started home. 

And ran into a detour immediately. So I followed the first sign…and there I was, with useless directions, no map, no idea of where I was, and no clue as to where my next turn would be. But I knew was that I was heading towards home…and the next turn would be clearly marked. No need to worry.

And I realized that's where my life is. I may not have directions or a map or know how I'm getting to my destination, but I know my goal is to glorify God and He will show me each step of the way. Every twist and turn, He is with me - even though I am starting into the unknown, I know the One who is preparing the path before me.

Then I missed one of the signs. 


Which meant I was still driving with useless directions, no map, no idea of where I was, and no clue as to where the last turn had been - and I had messed up so that now I was far away from where I should be. 

So I pulled over, found a map, figured out where I was...and took the next road that would get me where I wanted to go. Maybe not the most straightforward route and definitely not the shortest way home...but it would get me there.

Even though my God is infallible and His plan for me is perfect...I most certainly am not. No matter how clearly He marks my path, at some point in the coming years I will take a wrong turn, I will make a wrong decision. But if I am truly seeking Him, if I do not lose sight of my goal, He will get me there, no matter how far off the path I end up. 

Finally I reached an area I recognized and got back on the original road, detour long behind me. My computer (that had my useless directions on it) was sitting beside me, so I hit play on iTunes. The first song began to play. 
As Jesus stumbled up Calvary's hill...
He knew He was doing His Father's own will
He could have turned back, but He went on instead. 
For a world full of sinners, He suffered and bled.

Even if I am on the right path and make no wrong turns whatsoever...that does not mean at all that the path will be smooth and things will go comfortably. Sometimes Perfection is scarred and sometimes right is hard and obedience is painful. 

The thing is...I know that. And I've been dreading what's coming all summer...buying my books...buying my instruments...looking at all the things I will soon be learning...there is SO.MUCH. it scares me. As much as I know I should not be scared...I've been scared.

That evening I was talking to a woman who knows my mom, and she congratulated me on getting into medical school. And then she said something no one else has said to me. 
I remember when my husband started veterinary school. It was one of two times he has ever cried. He didn't think he could do it - it was going to be too hard. I told him of course he could do it; he was in and he was going to make it through. And of course he did. So can you.

No one ever said medical school was easy, not even the people who adore science and memorize easily. Between my dread of biochemistry and molecular biology and my struggles with memorizing pathways and anatomy...my work is cut out for me. For me to even reach the next turn on this path is going to take huge amounts of work. But right now this is where God has directed me. I know this is the turn I'm supposed to be taking. 

Faithful is He that calleth you, Who also will do it. The entire time I was driving I was remembering again that this is the next step that God has called me to take. Again and again I have been reminded that worry (how on earth am I going to pay for this?) and fear (I'm going to flunk out) are not just a waste of my energy, they're sins. 

It is not only wrong to worry, it is unbelief; worrying means we do not believe that God can look after the practical details of our lives, and it is never anything but those details that worry us. Have you ever noticed what Jesus said would choke the Word He puts in us? Is it the devil? No— “the cares of this world” (Matthew 13:22). It is always our little worries. We say, “I will not trust when I cannot see”— and that is where unbelief begins. ~Oswald Chambers

For someone I didn't even know to stop and tell me I did not need to worry about getting through medical school...when our short conversation had gone nowhere near my apprehension about the coming year...I think I need to believe that it's going to be gloriously okay. 

Because it is. And I trust that no matter how difficult this road, no matter where the next sign is or even if I miss it entirely, my God will glorify Himself through me and bring me to the place He wants me to be. 

I think I'm finally ready for medical school. 


Thursday, August 1, 2013

:D


In addition to Sarah's fun interview and Erika's gracious book review, Kiri Liz just asked me some great questions on her blog, and Miss Melody Muffin gave me massive space on her blog for discussing each and every genre I write in. I had lots of fun. XD Go check out these lovely girls' blogs - one more day until the giveaway and Blitz! 

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