Saturday, October 20, 2012

For your amusement...

something I wrote years and years ago when studying history of the world. XD enjoy...





via google
THE JERICHO TIMES

Egypt’s Economy Crashes! World Trade at Risk
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Front-page story by Horam, son of Jabad

            The country still rocking from a combination of disastrous weather and a slave revolt, Egypt’s entire army was recently drowned in the Red Sea.
            It all started when the Pharaoh, in a frenzy after the death of his first born son, freed all of the country’s Israelite slaves. His brother, Moses, recently returned from exile in Midian, had been after him for weeks to let them go. 
            Moses is quoted as saying, “The LORD God of the Hebrews hath sent me unto thee, saying, 'Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness: and, behold, hitherto thou wouldest not hear.'” The man then claimed that all of the economic, health-related, and social disasters lately fallen on Egypt were the direct result of this God of the Hebrew’s wrath. The Pharaoh refused to listen to such foolishness, but neglected to put his brother into an insane asylum. Unfortunately, the man’s great charisma began to influence some of Pharaoh’s advisors, and eventually, when his mind was unsettled by grief, even the Pharaoh himself.  
            Our informers tell us that as soon as permission for the Hebrews to leave was granted, Moses led all of the Israelites out of the country. Apparently not knowing much of the land, he led the whole group right into a trap, fenced in between the sea and some hostile enemy tribes. By that time Pharaoh had come to his senses, and he immediately ordered his army to follow their escaped slaves.
            Upon reaching the Red Sea, they found the entire assembly of Hebrews had already crossed over. When the Pharaoh attempted to follow, the chariots sank, and the wheels of the army were mired down in the mud at the bottom of the lake. He must still have been greatly disturbed by the loss of his son, or he would not have tried to cross the sea on horseback. How the Israelites crossed is not exactly clear, but the same way must have been feasible for the Egyptian army.
            For unknown reasons, however, they did not cross in the same manner, and the entire army was drowned. Rumors have been flying that the God of the Hebrews is indeed stronger than the gods of the Egyptians and ours, and is leading His people to freedom and a country of their own. Their last reported direction was toward Caanan. 
            This, however, is not a cause for worry. Educated people will immediately see that it is no more than a remarkable coincidence that the Pharaoh’s brother went crazy at the same time as disaster overtook Egypt. All of the gods are equal, and no one can claim that their god is specially protecting them with power greater than that of another person’s god. It has been proven that bad things come in threes, and this must simply have happened to Pharaoh four times, because of mere random chance. Counting up the ten different plagues that occured and adding that his brother went crazy and his army drowned, one gets twelve - four sets of three.
            This is certainly no reason to become hysterical. It is against the odds that such things would continue to follow this group of escaped slaves and their insane leader, who hears voices coming from bushes. It is to be hoped that some of the diseases from the country they have so dramatically left will make an end of them in the wilderness in which they are currently wandering.
            Our king urges everyone to stay calm and await the next episode in this intriguing phenomenon. The armies are ready to fight at a moment’s notice, and victory against a small number of refugees is an assured fact.
            The next issue of the Times will continue with this narrative, which can go no further at present because of lack of information, will be continued when another reporter reaches Egypt. The reporter who sent these facts is home on leave to bury his oldest son, who was with him studying in Egypt. 

3 thoughts shared:

Kendra E. Ardnek said...

I LOVE it!!! This was HILARIOUS!!! You should write more!!!

Miss Melody Muffin said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! This is great, Katherine!! 'For unknown reasons, however, they did not cross in the same manner, and the entire army was drowned'; 'This, however is not a cause for worry'; 'There certainly is no reason to become hysterical' Hilarious!! And the last sentence is PRICELESS!

Katherine Sophia said...

Thank you, Kendra! :D So glad you enjoyed it! It would be a rather interesting experiment to go through the Bible and write news reports from different viewpoints, wouldn't it? :D

And thank you, Melody! :D It was a lot of fun to write, and I am thrilled that you found it fun as well!

You guys totally made my night! XD

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