Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Some days I hate my body.

Today was one of those days. 

See, it is so easy to forget why I'm doing all this studying, taking all these classes... until I go shadow a doctor and then I remember. So, as you can imagine, I was excited when a doctor called me up and said I could shadow her today! And I got up before 6am to make sure I'd have a car for the day, got ready, ate breakfast, made a lunch, and headed to the clinic.

First patient: I walked in the room, shut the door, get ready to listen...

and my head started spinning. Or maybe it was the room. All I know is all of a sudden I was dripping with sweat, my ears were roaring so loudly I could not hear a word being said, and I knew I was going to pass out any second. 

'Cause that happened to me once before, and believe you me, the definition of the word awkward is collapsing while the doctor you're shadowing is discussing a life-threatening injury with the patient. And you stumble back to your feet as quickly as you can and the doctor whips around with narrowed eyes and wants to know what just happened. 

*wants to disappear through several floors* 

So now I'm leaning against the wall, unzipping my down vest as unobtrusively as possible, desperately telling myself that it is NOT going to happen again, and trying to figure out how I will gracefully escape collapsing on the floor - and absolutely furious with myself because there was no stinking reason on the face of the earth for me to be feeling faint right then.  
That's just the kind of thing my body does to me - when I was a teenager I'd get sick to my stomach just about every time I did anything that involved standing for long periods of time. Everybody said I was just nervous or trying to get out of stuff. I was not.
It's just weird. I thought I was over it. Evidently not.

Enter prayer.

By the grace of God (not my own gracefulness, which is fairly well nonexistent), that first patient was the only one to tell me (several times) to sit down - and this was before my head started spinning like a merry-go-round. Thinking back, no one else the entire rest of the day moved all their stuff out of the way and asked me to sit down. Just her. 
Of course, I refused it because in general I try to stay as out of the way as possible, not sit down right beside the patient and get in the way. :P
But, when I realized that it was either that or end up in a pile in the corner, I sat down. Not that it helped. I still felt like I was going to totally black out (and wondering if it would be more noticeable or less now that I was sitting there). 

Like I said, though - enter prayer. Slowly the feeling passed... and the rest of the day was awesome per usual. XD *whew* 

I saw just enough intriguing cases to get me excited again... decided I'm definitely drawn to pediatrics, except I might become a danger to bad parents (not kidding very much... parents who do not take care of their children push buttons in me that should not be pushed if they want to stay healthy *ahem* :P)... and I read through three 'doctor books' - def don't want to be a dermatologist *gag* 

To tell the truth, I'm afraid my writing might take a rather graphic turn if I get to be a doctor - hopefully not, but when you're seeing... stuff... (*ahem* the pictures in the books were the stuff of horror movies, I kid you not) it is generally reflected in your writing. And I've already seen gunshot wounds, abscesses of the face, and babies that took all day to be born while the mother was screaming in the room. (You'd think we were more modern... no, we're not.) That's just in a couple days of shadowing...

Today, though, I saw pretty tame stuff... except for one that was extremely intriguing - intriguing enough that it will be included in my current WIP. I'm kind of looking forward to that part... ;)

I even wore my high-heeled tennis shoes! XD
LOL, and once my head quit spinning, I was quite happy to be me again...
which I was with a vengeance - one patient said I looked 10 years old, and another asked if I was in grade school. XD Got to love that...

Some days there is no one else on planet earth I'd rather be... 

Today was one of those days.

3 thoughts shared:

Vicki said...

Whew! What a day!! I'm glad that the Lord helped you get through that dizzy spell and have a great day. :-) And I know what you mean about "doctor books" ... I thought I might throw up the first time I had to read a medical dictionary. Yech!!

You're doing great in your schooling - keep it up!!

Love in Christ,

Jessica said...

*SCREAM* That is simply awful! I HATE getting those feeling!!!!! Sometimes I get those feelings when I work but nothing that bad has happened to me! *cries* that is just soooo NOT FUN!!!!! But I am soooo Glad that God stepped in! HE IS SO AMAZING!!!!! (and so are you!)


Katherine Sophia said...

Haha, Vicki... yeah... I guess they like to put in worst case scenario - but if somebody came to me looking like some of those pictures... yikes. Guess it's a good thing I still have med school to get through. :D

gah, isn't it awful, Jessica? :P But "My strength is made perfect in weakness" hit me kinda hard afterwards... I think because I was frustrated with not being "able" - I don't like seeing weakness in myself, but it is there, and it allows me to see His glory all more clearly. :)


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