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| created from lovely google images... the main parts of my story condensed onto 1 page :) |
The Jeweled Dagger
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The Story of Naaman's Servant Girl.
Remember that WWWWWH poll on which of my stories any of you would be most interesting in seeing, ages and ages ago? Well... this was the one you picked.
But I was trying to semi-edit it at the moment, and so kept putting it off and putting it off - unfortunately, it's not really happening right now. :P
Finally, though, inspired by the story-sharing here, I am at very long last just going to let those of you who were interested read a bit. :D
This is actually one of the earlier stories I wrote - think way back in high school - when I was writing merely because I wanted to know what happened, and knew nothing and thought less about the fabled craft of writing. *gulp*
It shows. (Which is why I kind of cringed when I saw that this one got the most votes. LOL)
It shows. (Which is why I kind of cringed when I saw that this one got the most votes. LOL)
But the kids were bored when we had to stay after church one Sunday, and I just started talking... and once I started I had to know how the story ended. So I wrote this book. :)
Someday I do want to go back and edit and fix it up... so please remember that, rough version though it may be, it is copyrighted... and any thoughts, comments, critiques or suggestions are welcome and coveted. :D
But I will quit delaying and, for at least for a short while (until I freak out about having even part of my story online like this, LOL, at which point I will take this post down) those of you interested in any way, shape, or form, may read the beginning of the story! :D
I hope you enjoy it!
[content removed]
Someday I do want to go back and edit and fix it up... so please remember that, rough version though it may be, it is copyrighted... and any thoughts, comments, critiques or suggestions are welcome and coveted. :D
But I will quit delaying and, for at least for a short while (until I freak out about having even part of my story online like this, LOL, at which point I will take this post down) those of you interested in any way, shape, or form, may read the beginning of the story! :D
I hope you enjoy it!
[content removed]
any thoughts or questions, please just leave me a comment! :)
Random question for those of you who made it this far: when I first told the story, her name was Jerusha... any thoughts on Jerusha vs Kefira? Choosing between the two has been bugging me... Jerusha was the mother of King Uzziah in the Bible & her name means "possession," while Kefira is a Hebrew name meaning "young lioness."
And of course, any comments on any part of the above at all would make me super happy. :)
Hope you all are having a lovely Monday!
Random question for those of you who made it this far: when I first told the story, her name was Jerusha... any thoughts on Jerusha vs Kefira? Choosing between the two has been bugging me... Jerusha was the mother of King Uzziah in the Bible & her name means "possession," while Kefira is a Hebrew name meaning "young lioness."
And of course, any comments on any part of the above at all would make me super happy. :)
Hope you all are having a lovely Monday!
9 comments:
I am so happy to read this!!! If you fleshed this out and added details (more description, more scenery, much more backstory), this could be a really wonderful book!! Could you at least tell us whether Jonathan is dead? *big puppy eyes*
I'm not sure about Jerusha versus Kefira, either ... Jerusha seems more authentic because it's a well-known Bible name, but it also seems like a more gentle name than Kefira, and obviously your heroine is not very gentle, at least right now. I'm not sure ... I'll think on it.
Thank you for sharing your story!!
Love,
Vicki
Thanks for reading it, Vicki! :D Haha, that is exactly why I'm going back and forth between those two names. :P *headdesk* If you happen to end up liking one or the other more, let me know. :) And thanks for all your comments! LOL, description... the bane of my existence... I read everything when I was little - except description. :P I skipped it like crazy, and now I'm trying to learn to write it. This story, in particular, has VERY little mention of how anything actually looks. :)
As to Jonathon... :) In the original story he definitely lived, and I think the same will be true in the currently-being-put-together version... but the how and why will need a LOT more work. :D
*SCREAM* *HOLDS BREATH* HOW CAN YOU LEAVE US LIKE THAT!!!!!! *takes deep breath* okay...I guess I can be okay...I've read the first version :)but still...I LOVE IT!!!! *blushes as I hit inspiration link and hides*
Personally I've always been a light description person myself *cough cough* I LOOOOOOVE IT!!! Can I read it all over again pweety pwease?
LOVETH it all...
Jessica
*giggle* Let's hope it someday gets fully edited! :P Motivation in that department is hard to come by though... :P But you're definitely helping, Jessica... LOL thanks. :)
That was amazing! You set up the story so well - and you did such a great job of causing us to completely "live" what the character is feeling. I'm on the edge here - WHAT happens next? I'd LOVE to read the rest of it - please?
I always skipped a lot of description in stories too. :) A certain amount is necessary, but if you have so much that your readers start skipping it... that's probably too much, in my opinion.
And editing is the best part! Then you don't have to come up with a lot of new things, only refine what is already there. :) (Okay - that's just me, and I'm NOT you. :) )
Excellent job - and thanks for sharing! God bless.
Thank you, Erika! :D I must say that this section is the most put-together part of the whole story - I was looking over some of the middle lately, and style is pretty terribly atrocious :P - but, if you would not mind giving me a sort of ROUGH draft general story arc critique, I could email it to you! :) I would be very interested in what you thought of it where it's at, though every time I go to edit it I see how much work needs done on it and usually end up finding something else I need to do more. :P :D
Let me know... Hope you have a lovely week! :)
Thank you! Yes - you can email it to me; I love critiquing/editing. I don't care if it's rough; I'd like to read it. :) And sometimes I wonder if those of us writers who are more oriented towards editing than creating actually like ROUGH stories better - after all, if all stories were perfect and polished, that would leave editors with no job! :) Thanks again - looking forward to it - and I hope you have a lovely week too!
Oh and you know the funny thing? I opened my Bible this morning to read the next section(s) and the story of Naaman's servant girl was the chapter for today! Talk about capturing my interest immediately... :)
That's so funny, Erika! And thank you very much. :D Hope your Sunday is lovely!
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