Med student with a big imagination and unfortunate time-management issues.
Lover of horses, cats, and sometimes puppy-dogs.
Also a private pilot, because there is absolutely nothing like flying.
Daughter & sister (family is forever).
Music is necessary to my continued existence.
Addicted to reading like I am to breathing.
Story-teller, because it's in my blood.
A child of the Most High King, because He loved me, created me, and made me His own through the precious blood of my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.
Any patient names, genders, and/or ages mentioned in this blog may have been changed as necessary to protect their privacy. Any medical questions will be answered with "Please ask your medical doctor." Any questions regarding my experiences in medical school or residency I am delighted to answer. :)
I did kind of know what the answer was supposed to be... but I wasn't fully agreeing with it.
Last night I got the answer.
It was 3am, and I was finishing a book I'd been wanting to read before school started. I was glad I'd gotten the chance - but I finished it feeling... heavy. Weighed down.
Yes, it was a war story, and yes, I'd known it was going to be heartbreaking. But in my best 3am thinking mode, I turned off my flashlight and closed my eyes, searching for what it was that left me most unhappy.
Quickly I realized it was the main character's collapse, and how terrible her life turned out... but there was one aspect in particular.
It was the fact that she was given a chance to vote on punishment for the enemy, and she voted that they be tortured just as she had been.
But it wasn't because of what had happened to her.
It was because of what they had done to her little sister.
And suddenly I knew.
That was wrong.
It is not only our enemies that we are called to love, but also the enemies of those who are closest to us.
Because isn't that what God did for us?
We, not only His enemies, but the ones who are responsible for the death of His only begotten and dearly beloved Son, are the ones that He loves with a love greater than we can even imagine.
He has forgiven us fully, not only for our sins against Him, but also for the anguish and torment of His Son.
How can we not obey Him then, and through the love and strength He so freely offers us, show love to those who have hurt the ones we care for most?
*for the record, I'm not entirely sure that that MC ever meant for her vote to count. But this was what I felt, and this was what I realized. And so I'm glad I read it, miserable though it made me.
Particularly so since this doctor was a Christian, and I was able to see a slightly different perspective than I get from school.
Did I say slightly? Ignore that.
We happened to talk a little bit about Christian doctors... and he was saying that sometime what you believe comes up and fits right into what is going on with someone, but of course, you can't expect everyone to be ready for it, or to take it when you say something. Then he said:
But you have to love everyone, and that is a challenge.
(Which I thought was interesting, considering.) :D
love your neighbor as yourself... love your enemies...
Is there anyone we are not called to love?
Of course, I'm thinking, Oh, loving patients wouldn't be that difficult... until I suddenly realized that I had been absolutely furious with several people in one short day of shadowing.
Because I can't stand it when people hurt others by their own stupidity and selfishness.
Love my enemies... Do I have to love other people's enemies as well? Because that is a lot harder for me to do.
Hurt me... I'll deal with it. Ask me to forgive you, and I will.
Hurt my little sister, and I'll have nightmares about it. Telling her sorry isn't enough. You better fix what you did to her.
See what I mean?
This love thing is a lot more complicated than it at first seemed...
which I wouldn't, just because I don't do New Year's Resolutions anyways
(Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.)
what would I choose?
And suddenly I was thinking
Last year this word began to mean more and more to me, as I started to see the love that is mine from He Who is Love.
The greatest commandment:
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
These two are one, for as when I am abiding in Him, I will bear fruit, if I love Him, I will love those around me.
I need to be more loving. To those around me, and to the One who love me more than I will ever fully understand.
I want to be rooted and grounded in love, so that, with all the saints, I may at least be able to comprehend what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that I might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Suddenly I was thinking Is this loving? as I went about my day.
Without even wanting to, I had chosen a word for 2011.
Not a New Year's Resolution to make and break in meaningless repetition.
But a word to think about...
to focus on...
and one that will help me grow.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of theseis LOVE.
A year of almost reaching, almost finishing, almost accomplishing... but never quite making it.
For someone who fits the description of a "discouraged perfectionist" (no, I have not had time to read any psychology books lately - yeah, probably a good thing, even though it's fun!) :D that was obviously discouraging.
Not discouraging enough for me to change my approach to life, though.
Up until the last minute of 2010 I was procrastinating on things I wanted to finish. :P
Not that 2010 was not good. God was so incredibly merciful and loving to me in everything, that even with all that I left undone, or did poorly, I am, almost by default, further along in life than I was at the beginning of 2010.
But what I've really been realizing this past year... especially this past semester...
default, just making it, okay, all right,
survival isn't enough. Especially regarding where I am spiritually.
I don't want to survive.
I want to live.
That is why Christ came.
So that I could live... so that I could abide in Him.
And that's what I want.
I want 2011 to be a year of actually reaching, actually finishing, and actually accomplishing all that I need to...
but mostly I want it to be a year of living life abundantly in my amazing Lord.